All You Need Is Paper And A Pencil
by pixievamp
Summary: Bella gets strep throat and lost her voice. What happens when Alice gives her paper and a pencil? Notes with storytime, sporks, and lots of mayhem.
1. Mr and Mrs Mike Spork

**Disclaimer: Our guest star for today's disclaimer is… Edward.**

**Pixievamp - Wouldn't it be great to be Stephenie Meyer and own all of these amazing books?**

**Edward - I guess it would but being a main character is good enough for me.**

**Pixievamp - don't you ever wish for something more exciting… like owning the Twilight series.**

**Edward - I think its time you calm down now. You don't own anything.**

**Pixievamp - (daydreaming) thank you thank you, it is an amazing series isn't it? Oh would you like an autograph? I would be ha- -snoring-**

**Edward - All it takes is a big whack over the head… on with the notes!**

**All You Need Is Paper And A Pencil**

**Mr. and Mrs. Mike Spork**

**Cullen Residence **

"Bella, are you feeling all right?"

"I-I-I…" Bella tried to say she was okay but she lost her voice.

"Lets take you to Carlisle but you probably just have strep throat."

All Bella could do was just nod her head. Edward ran up to Carlisle's office with Bella in his arms.

"Carlisle, I think Bella might have strep throat. She has been coughing all day and now she lost her voice."

After an examination from Carlisle he confirmed what Edward had said. A loud squeal sounds through out the house and Alice runs up the stairs to Carlisle's office. She shoves a paper and pencil in Bella's hands. Bella gives her a questioning look.

Alice sighed as though it was quite obvious what they were for. "It's so you can right what you want to say, instead of trying to squeak out what you want to say."

_Ok, but all of you have to pass notes with me to. Even Rose and Jasper._

"Fine, lets head down to living room and I will get the others." Alice agreed.

From here on out the characters will be under these fonts unless specified differently:

**Edward - Bold**

Bella - Normal

_Alice - Italics _

_**Jasper - Bold, Italics **_

Emmett - Underline

_Rosalie- Underline, Italics _

You know, I've been thinking…

**What would that be, Love?**

She thinks?!

_More than we can say for you._

I object!

_**You can't object to anything, bubble brain. We're not in court.**_

EXCUSE ME!! I was beginning to say something but you and your stupid fancy speed keep stealing MY paper. Anyway, I was thinking…

_Oh we're sorry, continue Bella._

Says you! I will not be brought down by the man!

_What man?_

My man of course! Eddie-pants!

Ha! Eddie-pants?!

Eddie-pants is a sexy nickname. It's a lot better than yours.

What's mine?

Doorknob!

Bookshelf!

Toilet seat

Spork! 

Oh no, he didn't

_Oh, but I believe he did_

How could you doorknob? -sobs-

_**Wait…what's wrong with a spork?**_

**Oh god, now you just started story time.**

_Well… when Bella first started staying over, I went and bought some silverware…_

She wasn't sure whether to get me spoons or forks, so instead of just getting both…

_I got what looked to be in between, a spork. I thought it was a brilliant idea…_

Until I packed my lunch for the next day at lunch and without looking…

_She grabbed a spork, neither of us knowing it was Mike Newton's favorite eating utensil…_

He saw me with a spork and flipped out. He grabbed my hand kissed it and said 'dum dum da dum dum dum da dum (wedding tune) and pronounced us Mr. and Mrs. Mike Spork.'

_Some story you have there_

Thank you. I have been considering on becoming a professional storyteller.

**Must you encourage her.**

Hey, what happens if I say…

**Don't say it Emmett**

SPORK!

-Bella runs away screaming -trying to anyway- and hides under the table-

**Emmett! -growl-**

-Emmett starts running with Edward close behind. Jasper decides to give a play-by-play on paper (huh)-

_**As Emmett rounds the first corner, Edward is right on his heels. Emmett better be careful and watch where he is going. He just ran by with centimeters to spare. Uh-oh what has happened? Edward stopped in the middle of the living room and is standing in the opposite direction. Emmett is flying around the corner and -crack- Edward collided with Emmett sending Emmy to the ground. Edward is victorious.**_

-Emmett crawls back over to the table, Edward walks over with his head held high, and Bella pops out from under the table to write down a note-

I told you my man would bring you down, ha!

You sound pretty confident for someone who hid under a table because of a spork.

Maybe so, but you weren't the one ridiculously married to a spork lover.

_Hey Bella, what was it that you were thinking earlier?_

You know its funny cause… I can't remember.

**I hope that you enjoyed my first chapter of the Cullens and Bella passing notes. I will update as soon as possible. Thanks for reading and don't be afraid to review -smiley face-**


	2. Notes, Emmett, and the Grocery Store

**Disclaimer: Our guest star for today's disclaimer is… Esme.**

**Pixievamp - So Esme how are you doing this fine lovely day?**

**Esme - I am doing pretty fine thank you. Except for the fact that I had to ground Emmett.**

**Pixievamp - OMC! But what did he do to deserve it?**

**Esme - Well you have to read to find out… and we will never get there if don't say the disclaimer.**

**Pixievamp - I own A- -Smack-**

**Edward - Thought you might want a little help. Just remember, a knock over the side of the head.**

**Esme - Got it. Thanks Edward! Anyway Pixievamp owns nothing… now read!**

**All You Need Is Paper And A Pencil**

**Notes, Emmett, and the Grocery Store**

**Edward - Bold**

Bella - Normal

_Alice - Italics _

_**Jasper - Bold, Italics**_

Emmett - Underline

_Rosalie - Underline, Italics _

**Cullen Residence**

Oohhh, Eddie-pants! I remember what I was thinking of yesterday.

**What would that be Bella?**

-stomach grumbles- There is no food left in your house. So I think we should all go to the grocery store.

_That sounds like a great idea._

-heart stops- Alice watch it, you scared the crap outa me.

Where is it?! -picks Bella up and looks under her-

**Where is what?**

She wrote Alice scared the CRAP outa her. So where is it? I wanted to make fun of her for it.

Doorknob -sigh- its just an expression, I didn't really poop. Haha and now I can make fun of you for being an idiot.

What does Doorknob mean anyway.

Its my expression for Emmett's an idiot.

_So anyway, how about that shopping trip?_

Alice, its GROCERY shopping and that means I DO NOT need to get dressed up.

_Ok, ok, lets just go all ready…_

**In the Volvo and the Porsche**

Edward, Bella, Rose, Emmett in the Volvo and Alice, Jasper in the Porsche all with walkie-talkies

Why aren't we just going to the Forks Grocery Store? -flying by store-

_Emmett got himself band from that place three years ago. Which is why he will not be leaving my side. RIGHT EMMETT!? -last part through clenched teeth-_

Right-o sir _-glared at- _ma'am _-glared at-_ I mean… Rose?

"Heeeeelllllllloooooooooo! I know exactly which store we should go to, over." Alice said over the walkie-talkie.

"And which one would that be midget, over?" Emmett said confidently.

"I will take care of you later but we are going to the big one in Oregon, over."

Wait… we are going out of state to go grocery shopping?

_Yep, Alice never takes any kind of shopping lightly._

Great.

We are here! Yay!

_Emmett -growl-_

**Grocery Store**

I need pretty much any food you can think of…

Ok, that makes it easy. -pushing cart along aisle while dumping random things in-

_**Emmett stop. People are starting to stare… again.**_

Fine, fine.

Well first, I really need some soup and ice cream. They will feel good on my throat. -looking around- Where's Doorknob?

_Ahh shoot, he was here a second ago. He must be moving pretty fast for a human too._

A high pitched scream came from the other side of the store

_Follow that scream._

_They found Emmett with a sock pulled over his head trying to put make-up on some lady who was hitting him with her purse screaming stop._

Hey guys what' up?

**You, my brother are in some huge trouble.**

_That would be my line. You my husband, are in some huge trouble._

**-rolling eyes-**

Hey! You all need to see my masterpiece.

They walked two more aisles and found a little girl about the age of seven

_**Emmett! You covered a little girl in spray cheese, and shaving cream?!**_

It is beautiful isn't it?

Oh my god Emmett! Where is her mother?

Locked in the bathroom, where else could I keep her. 

_I'm on it!_

**I can't wait to hear what Esme has to say.**

"Excuse me sir but I have had complaints of a huge guy with a sock on his head." A security officer announced. Emmett turned to face him and the officer took out his pepper spray.

_**Ohh he is going down now.**_

If only it were my man taking him down. -dreamy eyes-

Guys help me, please!

"Put down that pencil and put your hands I the air! I am taking you downtown."

Later, thanks.

Can we finish shopping and go home now?

_Of course Bella lets go._

What are we gonna do about Doorknob?

_Let him go, Carlisle and Esme can get him._

**This now completes chapter 2! Thanks for reading and I will try to update as soon as possible. For the first chapter I got 4 reviews so this time lets try to get 5 or even 6, yeah! **


	3. O Lovely One, Waffles, and Lilly Frog

**Disclaimer: Our guest star for today's disclaimer is… Alice.**

**Pixievamp: OMC! You are my favorite vamp!**

**Alice: Thank you. Now please say the disclaimer so everyone can read how my plan starts as I begin to take care of Emmett.**

**Pixievamp: Why do you need to take care of him?**

**Alice: Well, remember how he called me a midget? I will not stand for it!**

**Pixievamp: Yay, Alice! Whoohoo! Go Alice!**

**Alice: Thanks, but once again… the disclaimer.**

**Pixievamp: Alice? Will you take me shopping? Please, please, ple- Wait! (As a hand was about to hit me)**

**Alice: SAY IT!**

**Pixievamp: -sigh- I… own… -gulp- … nothing. There I said it! -Thwack- -Collapsed-**

**Alice: What was that for?**

**Emmett: Well, Edward has gotten to do it so I decided that I wanted a turn.**

**Alice: Oh well, on with the revenge!**

**Emmett: What?!**

**All You Need Is Paper And A Pencil**

**O Lovely One, Waffles, and Lilly Frog**

--------------------------------

**Edward - Bold**

Bella - Normal

_Alice - Italics _

_**Jasper - Bold, Italics**_

Emmett - Underline

_Rosalie - Underline, Italics _

--------------------------------

**Swan Residence (Bella's Room)**

Edward! What is everybody doing this morning?

**Bella… it's 4 in the morning.**

I did write morning, didn't I? -rereads-

**Yes but-**

Haha! You wrote but! -trying to stifle laughs-

-heart stops…again- AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! Where in the world did you come from!

Well Bella, I have been around for almost a century, so it could take a while to tell you where in the world I came from. -trying to sound intellectual- 

-shakes head-

What?

**Well Emmett. Firstly, I spelled but as in an exception not as in your rear end. Secondly, Bella meant more like, when and how did you get here. Thirdly, WHY ARE YOU HERE!? **

I got bored

**Ok, Emmett. BUT, humans are normally asleep at this hour so why are you here?**

Ha, Bella is not a normal human.

Hey! I fully resent that!

You can't resent anything, we are not in court.

Emmett. Stop. You are trying to sound smart, and it is not working for you. You can resent something, you just can't object something. I am surprised though, you managed to spell intellectual correctly earlier.

-Bella let out a small yelp as she saw Jasper appear and Alice squeal a hi by her bed side.-

You guys better stay quiet if you are going to stay. Charlie is still sleeping.

_Hey Emmett. _

Don't hurt me, please don't hurt me!

_Ok, I won't, I mean it was only a word._

Thanks Alice, LYLAS.

Doorknob. For one, don't use those abbreviations. For two, she is your sister.

_Hey I gotta run, bye Bella. -Stern look at Edward-_

**Ok, ok. Can I at least tell Bella?**

_Fine but she better keep her mouth shut._

_What did I miss?_

_**Nothing. -giving Alice a questioning look as she jumped out the window, Rose had just come in-**_

_**Later guys, bye Bella. **_

Cya Jasper. So Edward… what was the look that you shared with Alice for?

**It was nothing Bella, I have to tell you later, I promise.**

_Let's try this again. What I miss?_

Nothing much but I am sensing another story time coming on here.

Yeah!!! Tell us Edward… how does it feel to be a century old virgin?

**Shut up Emmett, she meant it's time for you to tell us what happened after the police took you away.**

Oh well, I would rather not be the teller of the horrific events of being with Sir Stinks-A-Lot. 

Awww… come on Emmett. Pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fine. It's a very simple story and I can't talk long because I have to run from Super Midget. So anyway, I put up the most difficult time as they tried to stuff me in one of those silly little cars. I begged and begged to be put in the front seat and eventually he told me that I could. Then they yelled at me for no good reason.

Wait a minute here, they yelled at you for no good reason? That's pretty hard to believe.

Fine, as I was saying. They did yell at me but it was because I was playing with the lights and the sirens-

Oh my god! I have always wanted to do that! I am very envious.

Shut up Bella do you want me to tell the stor- Gotta run she's coming!

_Oh Emmmmeeetttttt!!!_

AAAAAHHHH!!!!!!! -and then he was out the window-.

Anyway! What are we going to do this morning?

**Bella, its 4:06 in the morning.**

Ok, this time I know I said morning -double checking-. …………. Wait a minute, it has only been six minutes? What is wrong with you vampires, you need to learn to talk slower.

**Alright, then. Time for the human to go back to sleep.**

NNNOOOO!!!!! -grabs onto leg so Edward can't walk-

_Hey guys, what's up, have u seen Emmett or Jasper for that matter?_

U lost ur own husband?

_I know, I know but I have been so busy plotting Emmett's demise lately, and I think that I have finally got a plan._

I am telling u, vampires just need to slow down!!!!!!!

_-_---Emmett screams from outside the window, "I knew she was after me! AAAHHHHH!!!"----

_Haha this could not get any better!_

_You are really starting to scare me, Alice._

Who's Alice?

**Umm.. **_**Bella**_**? Are you okay? Alice is pretty much your best friend.**

_What do you mean pretty much? I am her bff. How do you not remember me?!!? -sobbing loudly-_

_Alright Bella, we r goin to have to do this the hard way. What is my name?_

How do you not know your own name. Of course it's… O Lovely One.

_Haha, there really must be something wrong with her. But that is not important. Will u plz tell me wat my name is?_

Umm…………………………

_Bella! It's not that hard! Who am I? Ahhhhhh!! Y do you keep changing your mind???!!! -sobbing even harder-_

Ur name is…..drum roll please…… Waffles!!!!

**Bella are you okay? Her na-**

_Awww, Bella u remembered, I never doubted u for a minute!_

**A-**

_Stuff it Edward, I saw what you were going to say. _

_-_Emmett goes running and screaming by the window-.

_My plan has now been put into action. Mwwaaahhhaaaahhaaa!!! Later Lilly Frog!!! _

I have a name! I have a name! I have a name!

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**This chapter is a page longer than my others that were written about a year ago and I apologize. Anyway, I hope you enjoy what I wrote and I also hope you will review and tell me what you think! -smiley face-**


	4. Jessica's Valentine's Day Card

Disclaimer: Our guest star for today's disclaimer is… Carlisle.

Pixievamp: So Carlisle, what is it like to be a super hot vamp doc?

Carlisle: Well, actually it's pretty sweet.

Pixievamp: You mean the blood is pretty sweet?

Carlisle: No, no, just the job in general.

Pixievamp: Oh. -sad face-

Carlisle: Alright then I guess it's time to say the disclaimer then?

Pixievamp: No, because I won't say it, Edward or Emmett will whack me in the head, I'll collapse, and when I get up you all will be gone, leaving me with a huge headache.

Carlisle: Well, can you say it anyway so we can get on with the story?

Pixievamp: Fine. -sigh- NNOOOOOO, I own ever- -bong- -collapse-

Carlisle: Emmett, why did you hit her over the head with a frying pan?

Emmett: I wanted to mix it up a bit.

Carlisle: Oh alright then. Pixie owns nothing now on with the craziness.

**All You Need Is Paper And A Pencil**

**Jessica's Valentine's Day Card**

--------------------------------

**Edward - Bold**

Bella - Normal

_Alice - Italics _

_**Jasper - Bold, Italics**_

Emmett - Underline

_Rosalie - Underline, Italics _

--------------------------------

**The Cullen Residence**

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

_Bella you can stop screaming now. U have screamed non stop the whole way from your house. Man, it's a good thing I can drive fast._

No I haven't. It is a good thing you can drive fast, it's just to bad for you that I was the one driving. -smiley face-

_Hey, hey, hey! I am the one that is supposed to be torturing you._

_**Oh trust me u are torturing her.**_

Okay, he's right but can u just remind me again y u insist on kidnapping me from my own bedroom?

_It's quite a simple reason and girl do I have plans for us._

EDWARD!!!!!!

_He's not here Bella, he's out hunting. In Canada._

Jasper help! I'm scared.

_**I would, but I am quite scared too. Her emotions r going wild.**_

Well… It's been fun but I gotta run. U know me busy, busy, busy! -walking away-

_BELLA, GET BACK HERE!!_

_**She can't here u anymore Alice. U need to try and relax.**_

_-sobbing- She's gone? -more sobbing-_

_**Alice be happy. Just think revenge.**_

_Mwwahahahahaha!!!_

_---------------------------------------_

**Forks High School --- Cafeteria**

"Hey Bella, whats up? Oh still not talking? To bad. So…. Edward!!!!!" Jessica said.

"Yes?" Edward replied warily.

"I got you a valentine!!!" Jessica sang.

"But I -"

"Shhh" Jessica whispered while putting her finger to his mouth.

Alice's and Bella's eyes got wide with worry.

"Jessica, you definitely do not want to do that." Alice said quietly.

"And why not?"

"Well I can think of a few reasons." Alice said fiercely. Bella nodded her head repeatedly with a scowl on her face.

"Please open it Eddie?" Jessica asked with a puppy dog face.

Of course, with Edward being the gentleman that he is, he opened it cautiously.

The card started to sing in Jessica's irritating voice:

(The first two lines of Super Massive Black Hole)

Ooooo baby, don't you know I suffer?

Ooooo baby, can you hear me moan?

And then:

I love you Eddie Weddie! You are now officially my valentine!

"Jessica, today is not Valentine's Day for you. It is SAD Day. Let me say this slowly, it stands for Singles Appreciation Day. NOW SCAT!!!" Alice said feeling very territorial.

The bell rang and Bella pointed to it and dragged Edward to Bio using all of her puny human strength.

**Forks High School --- Biology**

WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUT???!!!

**I assure you Bella, I have no idea.**

Bu-bu-bu-but, I- do u- she- I… -sobbing quietly-

**Bella, Bella it's okay. You know I love you and only you.**

Okay, guess wwhhhaaattt???

**What?**

Alice is throwing a Valentine's Day Party!

**Wait… shouldn't this make you upset? I thought that you hated parties?**

I do? Oh wait I do! NNNNNNNNooooooooooo!!! -more crying- She must have brain washed me!!!

**Bella, I have been around a while and I have never met a vampire that can actually brain wash someone. Especially you!**

_**Come on Bella let's go!**_

_---------------------------------_

OH Rosalieeeeeeee!!

_What Emmett!!! I'm busy?!_

What could you possibly be doing?

_I am in a chat room with Bella and Alice._

Whoa. Did you actually say Bella? What are u guys talking about? 

_Nothing important_

--------------------------------

**Chat Room**

Clumsy87: Wats up Rose?

ShOpAlOt: Yeah, I was shopping!

HotBlondie15: Alice, I wanna help.

Clumsy87: Me too, me too!

ShOpAlOt: Alright, this is how it's gonna go down…

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**Alright, I know it's not that good, but I wanted to post something. So… the next chapter is hopefully going to have Alice's Revenge in it and the Valentine's Day party. I am looking for you wonderful reviewers to come up with a revenge plan that can happen during the party. If you have a better setting tell me about it. Whose ever idea I use will most definitely get the credit. So review and hand over some ideas! -smiley face- **

**Pixievamp**


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